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Archives for July 2016

Jul 29 2016

Introducing…the thermostat

Why we have thermostats

We get used to a certain temperature, and have invented a device to make sure that our living spaces stay with a certain range that we find comfortable.

Not just a device, but a model for how people behave

What if people have metaphorical thermostats that regulate the “temperature” of every major area of our lives?  Think about the questions below:

  • How emotionally am you with my friends, significant other, or co-workers?
  • How much stress do you experience regularly when working on a challenging project?
  • How much money pressure do you experience each week or month?
  • Are you wanting to meet new people, but not connecting?

Passive comfort zone, or active control of temperature?

Sometimes the answers to these questions are described as habits or comfort zones, but I think thermostat is more fitting.  A habit or comfort zone implies passivity and a tendency of something to remain constant, but a thermostat is a device that actively sets in motion, events to bring the temperature to a specific level.  It is as if when you set out to make changes to some area of your life, there is something actively trying to return you to your previous setting.

If you are in a room and are cold, you can easily get more comfortable by putting on a sweater, but you are not changing the temperature of the room.  What if the room is very hot, and you are already naked?  How will you get comfortable now?  In that case, the only solution is to change the temperature of the room.

Two examples that everyone should recognize

Let’s say that you decide to reduce the amount of stress you feel about finances, by having more money left over after you pay your bills.  To spend less money, you make a plan to pack your lunch instead of going out. Your normal lunch buddies tease you a bit and try to coax you out to lunch with them.  Its a small thing, but the teasing by your coworkers is an influence that seeks to prevent you from changing your “financial temperature”.

Now, what if you are wanting to meet new people, but like many people, you are not very confident approaching them.  What happens when you see an interesting person you would like to approach?  Does your inner voice immediately start telling you that she does not want to talk to people?  Do you stop before you start, thinking that you cannot think of something to say?  How do you know she does not want to meet you?  If she has closed off body language and is wearing headphones, you might be right to hesitate, but if her body language is neutral, it is really a coin toss as to whether or not she would want to talk to you.  The only way to solve a coin-toss is to flip the coin, so you need to act!

What to do!

If you get paralyzed when you see someone interesting, and are analyzing yourself and telling yourself that the new person will not be interested in you, your own thoughts are the thermostat that is controlling you.  Shut down those thoughts and tell yourself things that are helpful…perhaps something like, “she is just a person in the same room as me…I will smile, say hello and introduce myself”.  Then do those things.  Smile, say hello and introduce yourself.

It really is OK

While it feels awkward to many people today, consider this:  Until people moved to  big cities in the past 10 years or so, the self-introduction to new people was polite and expected behavior!  It is normal and human!  Count how many people you can do this with in one evening so that it is no longer a big deal, and so you do not care about the outcome of any single attempt.  I bet nothing really bad happens, and you might find that some of those people will try to keep talking to you, because they want to meet people too but were not sure how to start.

Conclusion

I believe we can beat all of your thermostats and make whatever changes we decide to make.  First, you have to identify your own thermostats that are regulating the areas of your life.  Then you can think of some actions you can take every day which will alter your default settings and behaviors in those areas.  This can make your life more the way you want it to be.  If you take steps each day toward the change, persistence wins.  In time, you will recognize your own personal thermostats, and be able to change those by taking action each day to make the temperature right for you!

 

 

Written by midlifeawakening · Categorized: Self improvement

Jul 15 2016

Figure out what you really want

Best advice ever

Written by midlifeawakening · Categorized: Ponderings

Jul 06 2016

There are 2 types of people: Those who figure stuff out, and those who wait for others to figure stuff out.

Written by midlifeawakening · Categorized: Mike's Maxims

Jul 03 2016

San Antonio

Heading home tonight from San Antonio.  I took my family there because my daughter is involved in competitive dance, and there was a “Nationals Elite” competition there.  San Antonio is only about 3 and a half hours from Houston, so its not a bad location for a quick get-away weekend.

Here are the challenges with our trip:

  • We are here for a dance competition, so we have to be around for unpredictable periods of time.  The scheduling on these events is never what you would hope for, because it is complex and chaotic with so many dancers, teams, and all that goes with those things.
  • We are downtown for the dance competition, so getting around means we are walking, or dealing with very slow traffic.  I will add that San Antonio drivers seem very courteous and pedestrian-friendly, even if the pace is quite slow at times for those of us who are from more bustling, uptight cities.
  • There are bus routes and trolleys, but picking those up at the right locations when you are not used to the city or the trolley service makes it likely you will be approached by people selling guided tour bus and trolley rides.
  • I was super busy in the weeks prior to the trip, so I did not get a chance to plan my site seeing.  So, I was making it up as I went.  This works for me traveling alone, but is not great when the family is looking for me to lead them in the adventure.

Here was my rough itinerary:

  • Get daughter to her dance events and practices.
  • Deliver snacks or external battery pack if it is forgotten, for when her cell phone dies.
  • Visit the Alamo
  • Visit Tower of the Americas
  • See the city a bit
  • Enjoy some down time.

Here are the outcomes for the itinerary items:

  • Get daughter to her dance events and practices.
    • Success!  She made it to all events that were scheduled more than 12 hours in advance.  One event was announced at 1 in the morning via email for early morning the following day, so that one, we did not make.
  • Deliver snacks or external battery pack if it is forgotten, for when her cell phone dies.
    • Success!  Snacks were delivered when needed, battery provided if needed.  On the way back from delivering the items, I saw the first cattle on a sidewalk since I returned from Mumbai.  imag0669.jpgOk…this bull is not alive, and that is a big difference from India!
  • Visit the Alamo
    • Success!  Made the tour early on Friday morning, no real crowds, so it was easy to get in and see it.  The next day was July 2nd, so the 4th of July crowd was insane!  Glad we went on Friday.Alamo_pano
  • Visit Tower of the Americas
    • Fail!  Despite purchasing tickets at a discount on Group-on, we could not get up on the observation deck.  The Tower box office was not selling or redeeming tickets for the observation deck, so we could not go.  No explanation was given, just that they might start selling tickets again in 45 minutes or so.  Very disappointing.
  • See the city a bit
    • Success!  I walked the city streets looking at various things with my son and daughter at different times, and that was great.
      • My son and me tried to get into a math teacher convention, but they were checking for ID and we could not get any “math swag”.  Oh well, maybe next time!
      • My daughter and me enjoyed a Starbucks drink and looking around, and talking.
      • Here is a picture of the Alamo Cenotaph
        imag0668.jpg
  • Enjoy some down time
    • The kids wanted to check out the mirror maze on the Alamo Plaza area.imag0670.jpg  A view from inside the mirror maze.

 

Final verdict for this trip:  I enjoyed the time with my family.  San Antonio would be a great town to visit for 2-3 days, on a non-holiday weekend, in a month other than July or August, because it is very, very hot and you have to walk a lot.  Maybe staying out of Downtown would be more my style also.  Maybe one of the Hill Country area bed and breakfasts would be nice, with a tour of local wineries?  I might give that trip some thought for another time.

Hoping to get home at a decent hour tonight, so I can get up early tomorrow and go for a motorcycle ride…its been a bit too long since I got out there.  Here is a picture of my steer of choice currently:

imag0660.jpg

 

Until next time!  Try to make some memories of your own.

 

Written by midlifeawakening · Categorized: Travel

Jul 03 2016

Silence is golden, speaking from your heart is priceless

Written by midlifeawakening · Categorized: Mike's Maxims

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