My son heard us fighting when he came downstairs in the morning. While he would not have heard all of what was said, he definitely heard enough. I apologized to him because he had to hear that first thing in the morning.
The rest of the day went on with all of us going separate directions for a few hours to do the things we planned to do. In the late afternoon, as I was preparing to take the kids out to eat, things got ugly again. Dinner plans are aborted.
This is the second time today my son heard us fighting. I found him a few minutes later in the living room reading. He was crying. I sat with him. I put my arm around him. I told him how sorry I was. He said “I am not crying about that”. I told him that I was not able to keep his mother happy or me happy together after all these years, and I never wanted him to have to deal with this stuff, but I fell short. I started crying. He told me the story he was reading had a line in it to the effect that “…all marriages are fake.” He said, I just cannot read this right now. I said, “that is what I am talking about…you should not have all of those things in your thoughts at your age. I fell short and I am sorry.”
What is good about this? I have been using this question to try to keep my perspective lately, as the good in my situation is not particularly obvious lately. The only good I can identify out of the events of today is that my son saw me crying about my failing marriage, so he should know at least that I care. I am not sure he knew I cared before.