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Feb 25 2017

Rough day

My son heard us fighting when he came downstairs in the morning.  While he would not have heard all of what was said, he definitely heard enough.  I apologized to him because he had to hear that first thing in the morning.

The rest of the day went on with all of us going separate directions for a few hours to do the things we planned to do.  In the late afternoon, as I was preparing to take the kids out to eat, things got ugly again.  Dinner plans are aborted.

This is the second time today my son heard us fighting.  I found him a few minutes later in the living room reading.  He was crying.  I sat with him.  I put my arm around him.  I told him how sorry I was.  He said “I am not crying about that”.  I told him that I was not able to keep his mother happy or me happy together after all these years, and I never wanted him to have to deal with this stuff, but I fell short.  I started crying.  He told me the story he was reading had a line in it to the effect that “…all marriages are fake.”   He said, I just cannot read this right now.  I said, “that is what I am talking about…you should not have all of those things in your thoughts at your age.  I fell short and I am sorry.”

What is good about this?  I have been using this question to try to keep my perspective lately, as the good in my situation is not particularly obvious lately.  The only good I can identify out of the events of today is that my son saw me crying about my failing marriage, so he should know at least that I care.  I am not sure he knew I cared before.

 

 

 

 

 

Written by midlifeawakening · Categorized: Self improvement

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