Picture this:

• A room of talented people.
• All those talented people gathered for an award show that is scripted and rehearsed for months before going live, and a huge budget to make the event special, engaging, and spectacular.
• A huge television audience watching it all.
• Content that is delivered by the best actors and actresses alive.

Still, mistakes happen!

The wrong movie title was read for an award, creating quite an awkward display.  Check out the clip here:

http://ew.com/awards/2017/02/27/oscars-2017-moonlight-best-picture/

The (not real) winners came to stage to deliver their speeches, and were shortly directed aside to correct the mistake…as shown here:

Don’t give up on what you are meant to do!

I will hazard a guess that most of us will never have such a widely viewed public mistake as this!  Next year, I bet there will still be an Academy Award show on TV…they are not going to give up because of this!

Lessons from the Academy Awards

My take-away from this is that we should all continue to do the things that we decide to do.  We should prepare and execute the best we can, and do not be afraid of making a mistake!  Fear can keep you paralyzed and prevent you from doing what you were put on this earth to do!  Do not let fear guide your life…Go do what makes you breathe, and if you make a mistake along the way, nobody is perfect. You will improve for your next attempt!  People will at least know that you are out there trying to do something awesome!

Carpe Diem.

My son heard us fighting when he came downstairs in the morning.  While he would not have heard all of what was said, he definitely heard enough.  I apologized to him because he had to hear that first thing in the morning.

The rest of the day went on with all of us going separate directions for a few hours to do the things we planned to do.  In the late afternoon, as I was preparing to take the kids out to eat, things got ugly again.  Dinner plans are aborted.

This is the second time today my son heard us fighting.  I found him a few minutes later in the living room reading.  He was crying.  I sat with him.  I put my arm around him.  I told him how sorry I was.  He said “I am not crying about that”.  I told him that I was not able to keep his mother happy or me happy together after all these years, and I never wanted him to have to deal with this stuff, but I fell short.  I started crying.  He told me the story he was reading had a line in it to the effect that “…all marriages are fake.”   He said, I just cannot read this right now.  I said, “that is what I am talking about…you should not have all of those things in your thoughts at your age.  I fell short and I am sorry.”

What is good about this?  I have been using this question to try to keep my perspective lately, as the good in my situation is not particularly obvious lately.  The only good I can identify out of the events of today is that my son saw me crying about my failing marriage, so he should know at least that I care.  I am not sure he knew I cared before.

 

 

 

 

 

Did you ever notice…

Every generation says the whole world is going to hell, and the older group always says this is because of how the younger people are acting and what they are doing. Many people complain about so many things that they think are unique to modern life. In reality, most of these things that draw out complaints make no meaningful difference…the world has been completely messed up for at least 6000 years that we know of! So, while I might love to write an article in a style from a bygone era, where I complain about something very normal today (old Andy Rooney style), I am instead going to make a point about what is different about today’s world compared to our history .

Things that have changed in modern history

• We can communicate instantly with anyone in the world, for almost no extra cost. Internet and cell phones make the exchange of information in real-time common to almost anyone.
• We can travel to any location in the world in little more than a day, thanks to air travel.
• We can read any book or learn any skill we want with free or almost free resources on the Internet.
• We can share our writings with anyone in the world, for almost no cost, and no publisher.

The technology of today makes the world smaller, and the cost of sharing information almost free.

What does this smaller, faster world lead to?

Because of this speed of transfer or reduced time to consume, people have lost their ability to wait for anything with patience. People today act as if a website does not give you exactly the information you want, in the language you speak, rendered on any device you have in less than 4 seconds, then that website sucks and the company that made it is a waste of life!

With all this information and capability, we can learn anything we want to faster and easier than ever. Yet, we are much more likely today to be depressed, anxious, medicated for these conditions, and even to commit suicide than we were even 50 years ago.

One thing that has not changed in thousands of years

It is not the attainment of the goal or knowledge that fulfills our lives. While we might be frustrated when we do not reach our goals, it is not the reaching of those goals that makes a person happy or fulfilled. It is the practice of striving for the goal that inspires us, makes us happy, and leads to feeling fulfilled. If you are lucky enough to strive for a goal with a friend or a group, you often develop shared experiences, inside jokes, and feel better about life than you otherwise might. Working on others toward a shared goal, is a double blessing.

If you compare our current modern life to that of the past, it should be obvious that we live in the “best time” and the good old days were probably overrated…yet there is something more human sounding about the past. In the past, people caught the plague and died, or small pox. Lovers who were separated by war, might exchange letters for months or years before they would see each other again and start their married lives together. Today, we do not need to try as hard. For one thing, neither person might not have the patience to write the letter and send it regularly, and neither would either person be likely to read it fully and intentionally, mostly because we do not have the patience or concentration required to do those tasks anymore when so many distractions are available to us.

Since everything has been made easy, no striving is required of us. No deep dive or studying a subject seems to be required to work out all the details and create something new and awesome. There seems little need to write love letters to keep your lover engaged with you and desire strong. Tasks are simplified and systemized, and automated or outsourced quickly.

So…what is left? The main skill that will remain human and unique is creative problem solving and communicating well with the people you love or work with in real-time, preferably face-to-face.

In “So…things are not right, part 1“, I described some of the feelings that go along with extremely challenging personal issues, and some suggestions for getting through those days.  In this follow-up, I will share some things that actually helped me get past a crater point in my life, and which I hope will help me get to the other side in one piece.

1. To help you remember that the situation you are in is temporary, you must find things to pay attention to that are not just about the problem you are in!  Find something to do or some person or people to hang out with, that lets you take your mind off the problem area, even if its just for a little while each day.
2. Get quiet–First thing in the morning, try to take 5 or 15 minutes to meditate or get your head together before you face the day.  You can think of everything you are grateful for, or you can find some guided mediations on YouTube for free and listen on your phone with headphones before you get out of bed.  Play with it a bit and find something that works well for you, to be a possible morning routine.
3. Focus on your goal or outcome.  Make sure your actions and words align with that outcome, and think of ways you can make sure you do not get stressed out and do something dumb when you are a bit tired.
4. Check in with your friends and family to see how they are doing and chat about their lives.  This is important to stay engaged in the lives of people you care about, and it helps you to get out of your own head for a bit.  If you work with people who are in remote locations, use your corporate chat program to check in with them to see how they are doing.  Build those relationships!
5. Treat yourself well.  Get some excercise, even if its walking for a few minutes, shooting some hoops, or pulling weeds.  Move a bit and feel your body a bit.  Eat food that is appealing and nourishing, but eat less of it, unless you happen to be underweight.  If you can have an excellent physically intimate connection with someone special, I would recommend that too…Its the best mood lifting activity in the universe!
6. Find some uplifting things to read and listen too.  If you are on a budget YouTube has a lot of motivational speeches to pick from and could do the trick!

I hope some of these tips are helpful, as they helped me avoid the negativity death-spiral that sometimes we are prone to when things start to get rough.

 

Have you ever been so lost that you do not remember what you enjoy anymore?

Have you ever been so fed up with a person that you felt guilty for setting limits about how much time you will spend with them?

Have you ever known that you have to make a change in your life, and it did not matter how hard it was going to be?

I am not sure why it takes these extremes to get my attention and to make decisions, but I must own this tendency completely.  I guess I never respected people who act rashly, and I over-compensate a bit by tolerating things too long and waiting to see if things improve before I act.  I will also admit that it is dreadfully hard make a decision that will impact others and cause pain to the people I love the most, even if it becomes a question of survival.

For now, I only have some very limited suggestions for how to move through this period, and here they are:

1. Remember, this is not permanent, it will pass.
2. Get quiet, and name the fears you have.  Once you see the list of worst things that could happen from your decision, you will be in a position to assess them rationally.
3. Decide your preferred outcome, and act accordingly.
4. Make the effort to preserve the relationships that matter to you.
5. Love yourself through the process.
6. Listen every day to motivational messages, laugh with friends, and find things to be grateful for.

Some suggestions for how I did these things to help myself get through a rough spot, check out the follow up post here: So…things are not right, part 2